this'll probably start somewhere and end up somewhere else, but it's just what i was feeling at the moment.

i'm at work right now.
my supervisor just left for the day, and i have 25 minutes before i leave and start my weekend. i should be doing some work and stuff, but let's be honest: these books aren't going anywhere any time soon.

yesterday, my car got booted 3 blocks from where i work. between finding out that the boot was put on literally 2 minutes after i walked inside, to the whole run-around with the City of Chicago, to trying to figure out just how much money i'd have to ask my parents to help me get the damn boot off and the anxiety, frustration, ever-growing hunger (i only had 2 meals yesterday -- my lunchfast at 12:40 and McDonald's at around 9), i'm feeling the effects as i sit in my office chair. i overslept last night & got to work at 10:22. i wasn't even there 5 minutes before i was calling the City of Chicago, and i was put on hold for 15 min before i even spoke to anyone. after explaining the circumstances to my supervisor (he's an awesome guy, lemme tell ya), he suggested that maybe i take the day off if my car wasn't there. i think he could sense the anxiety & hopelessness in my eyes as well as the tone in my voice.

the anxiety of not knowing if my car was still at it's parking space led me to have a mini-anxiety attack while i was speed-walking on the phone with the City of Chicago employee over the phone while i made sure my boot was off as well as that i didn't have a ticket. or that it wasn't towed. this is the City, y'know. they'll ticket you for shit like that.

anxiety attack? out of breath-ness, stumbling over words, hands shaking. i had to apologize to the nice lady on the phone because of my exasperated breathing. i thought i was gonna pass out.

you have to understand: i barely work part time. what is part time? 15 hours? 20? well. i work 12. so, with all the fines & fees & tickets that were paid off yesterday, i really couldn't afford to pay another fee of towing as well as the extra storage fee. so, yeah. it was serious.

the last 22 hours of my life have been just...i dunno.
i'm not a crier. i haven't been for a LONG time. i internalize too much. it's not healthy, but i'm a pisces and i'm naturally passive-aggressive, so i just deal with these things by myself. i'm feeling the after-effects of someone who just purged by crying, but i didn't drop a single tear. it's weird on the inside.

but i'm sitting here, at work, thankful for a great supervisor who actually cares, my parents and brother because without them, my car would still have that ugly yellow piece of jewelry on its left front tire, God for just...being awesome. i dunno. it's weird.

and i'm listening to Esperanza Spalding, and she's calming. so calming.

and then i see my blog. and the post before this one is God's In the Building. the song isn't religious. it's just singing. but the title >>

and yesterday,while all this is going on, my cousin from New York calls me & tells me he's getting out of the hospital today. bright spot in an otherwise shitty day.

and i had a BBM convo yesterday with my left coast vato that made me laugh too much. it all started because i was tellin' him how i got called out on twitter. and the laughs just started & didn't stop for like 2 hours. another bright spot while having a shitty day.

i think that's it.

have a good weekend.